Dear Athena,
I am a BEAST. I am about to be the main Pyramus in the most joyous tragedy “Pyramus and Thisby” at the Duke’s wedding. With my bad anus acting skills I will move everyone there. I plan to make everyone look at me and say to him/herself, “Did that handsome, beautiful, hot, sexy, moving, loveable man just kill himself?”
I am still greatly upset though. I don’t just want my part to end when I kill myself; I want to play everyone! I think that I can pull this off by playing all of the parts. I will play both the hero and the heroine in this play. I believe I can act out both parts so greatly that no one will know that it is a one-man play. I know that I could roar at myself so greatly that people would say, “Oh snap, that was one crazy roar!”
How Earth can I play all of these parts? Should I take out all of the others from the play somehow, or should I make myself look so much more inferior to them that they will have no other choice than to make me play all of the parts? I know that I am the best and that if I were to do this by myself that it would be better than if we were to have multiple actors.
With regrets,
The Bottomless Actor
Dear the bottomless actor
ReplyDeleteYou should first start out by befriending all the other actors. Then when they lease expect it attack them with a foam baseball bat. This will show them how INFERIOR you are to them. If the director dare stands in your way u shall smite him.
From Athena
Austin Sullins
Dear Bottomless Actor,
ReplyDeleteI see that you have quite a problem there, but first you need to get over yourself. I see that there is nothing wrong about the part you are playing, except that you are the part. But if you do plan on playing every single part in the play, you can write your play off as the worst play in history, and then everyone will say, "Wow, look at that stupid, idiotic, moron kill himself."
Greatest luck,
Athena